Fear in education
Fear is a feeling that all human beings have, fear of the dark, fear of the unknown and also fear of not accomplishing your goals. I have been living in New York for seven years, the minute I stepped into this country I thought that even though the cultural transition might be a challenge, I never thought it would be too difficult.
I have always been fascinated by different cultures from my own, different languages, different customs. In Ecuador, I studied Japanese, a little Russian and when I lived in Israel I learned a bit of Hebrew at least I learned to read and many phrases and words. However, I have always studied English my whole life in the elementary school, in the high school and in the college, I was able to understand what other people were saying to me and also I was able to communicate what I wanted to say to them and write a little. I really thought that I was ready to come to United States. But when I came here I did not understand the accent and people talk to fast I was lost, nobody understood what I was saying, then I realized that my knowledge of the English language was not enough for me to defend myself out in the real world (AMERICA). I was wrong in my expectations.
The moment that I landed here in New York I knew things would be different, the whole environment, the way people do things were different. I had to learn to walk fast in this city. I had to learn subways and bus schedules. But nothing prepared me on how frustrating would be learning English all over again.
I decided to continue my studies in order to get new and better opportunities, I have been interested in everything electronics and I saw how the job market in that area is high. I tried to apply to many four-year colleges, but at the moment to take the English tests I found out that my knowledge of English was not good enough. Counselors advice me to go to a two year college and start from there, that’s how I ended up here in LaGuardia College.
I have passed all my technical classes. I thought that if I took all the difficult subjects first and leave the easy ones at the end would be a good plan, little did I know was the huge obstacle that I’ve encountered when I took my English classes. I’m part of the Phi Theta Kappa society, I have been at the Dean’s list for good averages; however all that changed when I started taking my English literature classes or when I had to attend classes in which I needed to understand what the teachers explained. I have put my whole energy and devotion to learn and advance my knowledge in the language, but it has become a great disappointment for me that what I thought I learned before did not help me advance here. I have spent sleepless nights trying to understand and learn, but it seems that my brain is not getting it; I’ve tried many maneuvers to learn the language but I feel that I’m not going anywhere, this really frustrated me and make me unhappy.
I am a married father of a four-year old girl, I have a full-time job and I’m an avid runner. In order to finish my studies I have made many sacrifices to attend college, I have a very hectic schedule; some nights I only have a three hour sleep some nights I do not sleep at all. My weekends are full with finishing homework and also working overtime, I’m aware that if I continue do this lifestyle I might get sick; but all my energy is shifted to my goals. I want to show and prove to my little girl and myself that it can be done, it can be accomplished; even if it takes my sanity I will overcome my fear of thinking that I cannot learn proper English.
I am taking necessary steps in order to help myself and improve my language skills, in my I-pod I have downloaded many language podcast that I listen while I am working. Unfortunately where I work I have no one to talk to I work by myself, I do not have anybody around me and sometimes that frustrates me; because I am not exercising my brain with the language. I know a lot of people that arrived to this country way after me and I noticed that they overcame their fear of speaking a different language from their own. I think the reason behind that is that those people had interacted with others and practice the language; something that I do not have. In my house Spanish is only spoken and when I am in school I seldom speak with my classmates in English, something that I am trying to avoid.
I think that my biggest problem is my accent, sometimes when I am trying to communicate with others and they do not understand what I am trying to say, I feel frustrated and a little bit shy; because I think some people find it funny when someone has a different way of pronouncing words or letters. I do not care what others think, but I am self conscious of my lack of communication. I can properly write in English, but sometimes that is not enough.
In conclusion, I know the many obstacles that I need to overcome. My lack of practicing the language with others, in that way repetition can help my brain and tongue to click and
Communicate. I know that all my sacrifices will be paid at the end; all my sleepless nights will be rewarded. I know my family will be proud the moment that they see my degree and that would be the greatest accomplishment as a student. I hope do not mistake in my news predictions which would make me unhappy again.
